“I can’t do this.” After an hour of struggling to get our toddlers into bed, I sat weeping. I was nine months pregnant with our third child and thinking life was already overwhelming – living in a new city, learning a new job, raising two children, keeping up with the everyday craziness. And now God was adding more to our plates. Though I had hoped and prayed for these things, I now found myself wishing them away. I was scared and wanted something different.
Just like before.
I’ve lived with anxiety more than once. Seasons of loneliness, overwhelming responsibilities at work, financial uncertainty and wrestling through family pain have led me into spirals of discontent and fear. In these times, God has often met me with Psalm 16:5-6.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
That night as I sat crying, my loving and tender Abba reminded me He is the One who has assigned me “my portion and my cup.” And this is not a haphazard giving: God, in all His infinite wisdom and lovingkindness has meticulously thought through every second of my life. Every moment is secure. His voice gives me peace in the fear, brings strength through my weary tears and helps me see my family’s full life as “delightful and pleasant places.”